After seeing this, the mom had to write a letter to the teacher and explain:

Dear Mrs. Jones,  

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn’t show me dancing around a pole. It’s supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

Imagine with me for a moment–you’re a screenwriter, and you have a creative block. You need some drama. Here’s what you do: Google “Unfortunately, $InsertName” and there you go.

Unfortunately, Russell…

• Unfortunately, Russell being a little digging machine (and an overachieving one at that) made some more modifications to his bedding chamber and dug through to the surface.
• Unfortunately, Russell’s sled bogged down in soft snow going up a steep hill. By the time he reached the top, the others were a quarter mile ahead and seemingly about to end his last chance to collect the oxen.
• Unfortunately Russell fixed that nasty palette bug in drivers/video/fbcon.
• Unfortunately, Russell’s SE Linux policies take effect on everything he touches, the gun was denied, and the headset was turned off.
• Unfortunately, Russell had gotten quite old. (Ouch, that one hurt.)
• Unfortunately, Russell was not feeling at his best that day, and so he was not as flamboyant as he was.
• Unfortunately, Russell wastes much of the book on exposition and flashbacks, and the emotional turmoils and scandalous revelations too often lapse into melodrama.
• Unfortunately, Russell’s e-mail address no longer works so I have been unable to notify him of this version.

I could go on. There were 700 of them. But, unfortunately…